The version of me who portrayed a certain type of image in my former career keeps showing up unannounced and uninvited. 

Polished. Professional. Perfection. Power suit.

All the proper “p’s” with the exception of one glaring missing P….you know what I’m talking about. The one between our legs that our male counterparts possess.

Something about sitting in the corporate world, in a male dominated industry, really sets a tone for the way we as women work hard to show up and try to fit in.

• Tuck away the emotions.
• Don’t be overly critical.
• Tamper down “attitude”.
• Minimize your desires.

And if it wasn’t obvious, we are often assumed to be the note taker, coffee maker, and supportive role provider.

Introducing…Corporate Barbie.

Sit in a room full of men, as the only woman, and I can almost guarantee that the woman is going to be assumed to take on one or all of these roles. It seems to have become an expectation.

Now, I’m not here to slam men or be a man hater. It’s an unfortunate truth from my career that I believe many women experience in their professional journeys. Don’t hate the messenger. Yes, there are plenty of male mentors who can be very encouraging. Yet, we cannot minimize the realities for which many women navigate in the workplace.

While we may be natural caregivers and I’m first to admit I love to make the special people in my world feel cared for; it shouldn’t be assumed that this is my desire or expectation in all scenarios. Especially, when I had worked damn hard to grow myself professionally with a formal education, earned years of experience, took on challenging projects, and put myself in spaces that stretched me to grow into bigger roles. I worked hard and sacrificed a lot to become the version of myself who scaled the corporate ladder. From my humble temporary employee status to senior leadership over the span of 16 years. 

• No, I do not want to set up the conference room.
• No, I do not want to be the “voluntold” note taker.
• No, I do not want to bring you a beverage.
• No, I do not want to serve everyone else’s needs.
• No, I do not want to minimize myself so the men in the room don’t think I’m too much.

Am I afraid of work? Nope.

Am I a team player? Absolutely.

Do I need to take on the less appealing roles in a room filled with men? Absolutely NOT.

And while all this was a part of my identity in that season of my career, navigating how to show up with authority, be respected as an intelligent contributor, and “play nice” to not sabotage my career potential – it felt exhausting.

The interesting part is that even though it’s been almost 2 years since I quit my job and started my own business, that version of me shows up every once in a while. It’s pretty wild.

After navigating the corporate world for over 16 years, it became apparent that a piece of my identity got hung up as I pivoted from employee to entrepreneur.

And again, here comes Corporate Barbie…

It infuriates me to no end that I can’t seem to fully disconnect from her!

Part of me thought I had to hang on tightly to the professional image I had created of myself in that season. Power suits and heels were the way women were taken seriously in a male dominated industry.

Downplaying the desires of our heart and emphasizing strategies, tactics, and giggling about golf swings helped us fit in. Every once in a while, you might get courageous and share an insightful perspective to often get turned down because it was “too emotional”.

Isn’t that the point? To have women in the room who bring a different point of view and soften the edges of the boxes so carefully crafted for us to get stuffed into.

On a side note, I once saw a female business coach suggest that if we want to make it in the business world, we have to be willing to show up at the strip clubs to meet with the men who are making deals. If that’s what it takes to be a “successful” female entrepreneur, count me out! I am not caving in on my personal values and beliefs! Shoot, that’s why I left my corporate role in the first place! My values were no longer aligned with my employer and I was not okay with that.

Apparently her version of success and boundaries were certainly not in tune with mine. And that’s okay. It’s the beauty of entrepreneurship. We each get to design our business values and strategies in the ways that align with our personal beliefs. Alright, alright, rant over.

Back to Corporate Barbie’s funeral.

I guess I finally realized I was sick of shrinking myself to fit into someone else’s mold of who they thought I should be and instead decided to bet on me. And yet, in the midst of building a business, every once in a while I get a glimpse of that old version of myself.

Stifled. Unfulfilled. Insecure. Stagnant.

When it feels like the new path you are trying to carve is not happening at the pace you’d like, it can feel easier to resist growth and instead settle for comfort.

~ Susie Q

In that moment, it’s prudent and powerful to recognize the disconnect. Remind yourself of who you are and why you made the decisions you did to be where you are at.

See, those feelings, they aren’t because we are unsuccessful in this new journey. It’s because that curated Corporate Barbie likes to pop in every once in a while.

That’s why Corporate Barbie has to die.

She may show up in ways you don’t even recognize.

So many times I’ve wanted to present the truly raw and unvarnished version of myself and my fear of judgment held me back. And truthfully, I had been so worried that my former employer was watching and possibly criticizing me. Casting invisible stones or somehow going to come after me for speaking my truth.

Our fears are like gremlins, each with its unique personality out to knock us off our A-game.

Behind the mic. Behind the keyboard. Behind the blazer.

We may find ourselves having this tug-of-war experience of wanting to let go of our past and at the same time reaching towards our future goals. It can feel exhausting and downright impossible. 

As soon as you think you’ve hit your groove, you are blindsided when that former version of yourself pops up suddenly. It could be in the form of self doubt, lack of confidence, or resistance.

When we are sitting in jobs that are unfulfilling, or worse, staying in a toxic workplace, we are actually diminishing ourselves. Unfortunately, after years of coaching women, I’ve come to realize that we tend to minimize ourselves too often and easily. It’s quite heartbreaking.

If you’re like me and had a somewhat traditional upbringing, you were told the way to be “successful” was to go to college, get a degree, and get a job with a pension. You are golden.

Literally, you are locked into golden handcuffs!

The thing is that leaving our comfort zone, stepping away from our day-to-day routines, and doing something that is out of the box can leave us grasping to find something with familiarity. 

What’s the easiest move? The path of least resistance?

Shifting back to old habits, old ways, old identities…

Reconnecting to a point in time that maybe we felt successful or powerful might give us a boost of confidence. 

That’s when Corporate Barbie shows up again.

Enticing you with the deadly comfort zone. Making you doubt if your dreams and desires are worthwhile. Sitting there wondering if you are selfish for wanting more for yourself beyond that successful career you worked so hard for. Worried about what everyone else is going to say.

You think you’ve conquered all your limiting beliefs when you choose yourself and leave the unfulfilling job. Yet, that part of you that was once ingrained into your identity has a hard time letting go. 

• She shows up when I want to share about certain ideas and wonder, am I being too emotional?
• She shows up when I overly curate my language and minimize the full expression of myself.
• She shows up when I decide to put on a traditional blazer over a piece that truly expresses me.
• She shows up when I cautiously present myself as a “former analyst” instead of a CEO.
• She shows up when I forget to honor where I am at rather than seek validation in my past.

She shows up as Corporate Barbie.

A polished and proper version of myself that hasn’t fully embraced being a business owner and still occasionally presents herself as the old version of herself in that former career. Tip toeing back and forth between who I was and who I am becoming.

Seriously, Corporate Barbie has to die. 

She is holding me back. She limits me.

She hasn’t let me fully unleash the warrior spirit I know I have within and I know you’ve got, too. 

She worries about who is watching, judging, and probably criticizing. And the thing is, no matter how perfect we think we may try to be, others will always see things from their own perspective. They will have their own opinions regardless of how “perfectly” we show up.

So what’s the point? Why keep trying to fit into this mold of expectations that is bound to leave us unhappy and underwhelmed?

Why are we so caught up in curating ourselves in a way that leaves us parched for our own truth, desires, and authenticity?

~ Susie Q

I don’t want to show up as the Corporate Barbie version of myself anymore.

I want to be seen as the warrior badass that I know I am becoming. There is an evolution and transformation happening (which doesn’t occur overnight). Can you feel it, too?

So while I may be the Founder and CEO of my company, I recognize that I struggle to always show up as that woman. I think the truth will set you free. Honestly, not a lot of business owners, in particular, women, are willing to share the bare bones truth about this experience.

We think we can only show the highlight reel because showing our vulnerable areas opens us up to criticism and backlash. Maybe talking about this will make people think you’re weak…

I know that has crossed my mind as I consider whether or not to hit “post” on the screen.  

I can either tuck these truths down and keep thinking I’m the only woman who feels this way OR I can recognize that the behind the scenes struggles are real and we can all relate to one another. 

For the inaugural post to the Reinvention Warrior blog, I hope you’ll take away a few key things:

• You are worthy.
• You are valuable.
• You are intelligent.
• You are allowed to take up space.

It’s time to reinvent your version of Corporate Barbie and define how you want to show up. Whether you are still in your nine to five and just beginning to think about ditching your job to become an entrepreneur or you are in the infancy stages of building your business. It’s time to explore what parts of your identity have to die in order to unveil the new version of who you are becoming.

As a Reinvention Warrior, you are staring fear in the face, grabbing a hold of the handlebars of change, and paving your own path.  

This is the place where we are creating a Reinvention Revolution. We are undoing all the former versions of our Corporate Barbie selves! Who’s with me?

It’s time to give Corporate Barbie a proper funeral. I look forward to doing that together.

I am so grateful you are here and took the time to read this message. I truly hope it serves you value and if you found it helpful. I would love it if you shared it with a friend who is struggling to let go of an old version of herself. She might feel stuck in a job and feels desperate to escape but has no idea where to start. When more of us begin to do the work to peel back the layers of our past selves and encourage other women to do the same, we create a ripple effect.

P.S. Between blog posts, you can tune into the Reinvention Warrior podcast for encouragement navigating your 9-5 escape. You can DIY your roadmap out of that unfulfilling job with my book, Corporate Exit Planning – The Ambitious Woman’s Roadmap To Leaving Her 9-5. You can book a free exploration call to see if we’d be a good fit for private coaching.